Why I’m Not Writing a Book Right Now

hand writing

I recently received one of the most exciting emails of my life. One that I’ve been dreaming of since I was a child. (I mean, I’d never heard of email back then, but the essence of the dream was the same.)

It was from a publisher. A real, legitimate publisher, who has published books I have read and loved. They were interested in potentially working with me on a book.

You guys. I have wanted to be a published author since before I can remember. Books have always been my life, and I have always longed to be a part of that world. It’s the reason I started blogging in the first place, way back in 2009. The end goal was a book deal.

This is every dream come true. It’s the thing I’ve wanted to most in my life for the longest time.

I had to tell that that sadly, writing a book just isn’t going to work for me right now.

But why??? Why would I say something like that??? Why would I turn down my dream????

I haven’t given up on my dream; I’m just acknowledging that now isn’t the time for it. In case you’re wondering, here are a few of the reasons why I had to put that dream on hold.

I don’t feel I have any wisdom to share.

I used to think I had something to share with the world. That was before my universe fell apart, when I gave birth to a medically complex child, and I realized I knew nothing about anything.

It’s been three years now and I still don’t feel like I’ve learned anything.

I’m still at the stage of the journey where I’m shaking my fist at the universe, muttering, “This is bullshit.”

My soul feel shrunken and shrivelled. It barely made it through that difficult first year, and hasn’t really had a chance to heal. So far, I don’t think my trials have made me any stronger or wiser.

Here’s the honest truth, you guys. I’m bitter. I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m busy and stressed out. I’m jealous. I’m resentful. I’m so lost and confused. More than I’ve ever been.

Three years into this journey and I’m so full of unresolved trauma and grief.

I still suffer from such debilitating envy that I’ve unfollowed almost anyone on social media who has two or more healthy children. I envy both their fertility and their ability to produce children without disabilities or life-threatening diseases. It’s so unfair!! This isn’t the life I wanted!!

I want to be that mom who can say in all sincerity, “I wouldn’t change anything about our story.” But at this point in my life, it’s just not true. I would change a bunch of things.

That doesn’t sound like someone who is ready to write a book.

I’m not ready to process my trauma.

You might think that writing would be therapeutic, that getting all my thoughts and feelings out on paper might help me process my trauma and grief. And you might be right.

I just don’t think I have the fortitude to do that right now.

Just writing this post has put me through the ringer. I pretty much sobbed through the whole thing. Talking about my feelings is draining. After this I’m going to fix myself an iced coffee and watch funny Youtube videos to recuperate.

I’m too damn busy and tired all the time.

This is honestly probably the biggest barrier.

Felix still doesn’t sleep through the night most nights. So I am always sleep-deprived.

Even though he’s three years old his needs are still those of an infant — we have to feed, bathe, diaper, and carry him everywhere. He’s still non-verbal and not walking, so he needs a lot of help navigating his world. He uses hearing aids and orthotics.

And the appointments! The bane of my existence. Clinic visits. Audiology. Speech therapy. Physiotherapy. Occupational therapy. I am constantly scheduling and going to appointments. Phone calls and emails are always cluttering up my to-do list. Most of those appointments involve experts giving me additional to-do lists. As an introvert, this is incredibly draining.

So yeah. I can’t add “write a book” to the demands of my life right now.

But maybe someday.

What I’m Into: October 2017

baby boy knitted cardigan

dog

boots

fritters

It’s so helpful for me to reflect on each month and think about the good things I did/read/made. It always makes me feel grateful. October wasn’t all apple fritters and pumpkin patches, but it did have a little bit of these things, and I guess that made it a pretty good month.

Here’s what I’ve been into.

Books

Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes. I probably would have enjoyed this book more if I’d ever watched any of the TV shows written by the author (Grey’s Anatomy, Scandal, etc). But without that background, I still found the book thought-provoking and inspiring. She lives a very, very different life from me (e.g. unmarried by choice; successful career woman; etc); but I could still see myself in some aspects of her personality, especially her natural tendency to say no to things in favour of hiding at home alone. So I was encouraged by her story of learning to say yes to the things that scared her, and how that changed her life. She’s a very talented and engaging storyteller.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain, narrated by Elijah Wood. I enjoyed the audio version of Tom Sawyer so much last month that I decided to listen to Elijah Wood reading Huck Finn. Unlike the first book, I’d never read this one, deeming it unreadable as a child, on account of the Southern U.S. dialect used throughout the entire narrative. (I’d have an easier time reading Middle English.) So I had no idea what was going to happen. At one point I actually yelled out loud, “No, Huck! Don’t do it!!”

And let me tell you, Wood’s narration is a treat. He nails that southern accent, as well as all the different voices and dialects of the sundry characters, bringing the whole thing to life. And just like the earlier book, this one is freaking hilarious! I was guffawing through the whole thing. Huck is such a charming little liar. I cheered aloud when he decides he’d rather go to hell than give up Jim.

The treatment of race is troubling, of course — I really don’t think this book is appropriate for children.  It is painful to hear the n-word used so much (well, at all). But I learned so much about what was happening in the U.S. in the 1800’s (so long ago, and yet so recent!), something I honestly haven’t read about extensively as a Canadian.

(P.S. Did you know Elijah Wood actually played Huck Finn in a 1993 Disney film version? I so want to track it down! He looks adorable in the trailer!) (P.P.S. You can get the audio version for only $1.99 if you buy the kindle version for $.99. What a deal!)

book

The Brutal Telling: A Chief Inspector Gamache Novel by Louise Penny. I love this series so much and the fifth novel did not disappoint. All our favourite characters are there, and the murder is dark and weird and intriguing. Penny’s writing is beautiful as always, and probes deeply into the human psyche. This book is the first in the series to introduce ambiguity at the end (Did Gamache arrest the right person??), and is also the first one that would not be great as a stand-alone novel (it has to be read in the context of the rest of the series. A lot of the subplot details would seem irrelevant and uninteresting to a first-time reader). (Note: if you get the audio version, MAKE SURE you get Adam Sims, not Ralph Cosham. The first is a magician; the latter is a disgrace.)

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. I read this one aloud to Lydia, but it’s another classic I’d never read before myself. I’ve since learned that the translation I have is not the best one, and I wonder how different the experience might have been with a better translation.

Parts of it are breathtakingly beautiful; but for the most part I couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. I’d seen the movie and thought it was absolutely spectacular; the book kind of disappointed. Also, the dark and ambiguous ending didn’t seem quite appropriate for a six-year-old.

Television

OH MY GOODNESS STRANGER THINGS SEASON 2!!!!!!

We watched the whole season over the course of the first weekend it was released,* and I am still speechless. Those child actors blow me away. I love everybody so much. The storytelling is fantastic. Just . . . wow.

Either you’ve already seen it too or you have no idea what I’m talking about, so I’ll just leave it at that.

*(The weather was garbage)

Knitting

knitted baby cardigan

I knitted a sweater! It took me approximately one zillion hours. It’s by far the most complicated thing I’ve knitted so far. Knitting involves a lot of math and counting, you guys! But it was a fun challenge and I’m delighted by the finished results. Look at those sweet wooden buttons!

baby boy sweater

I knitted it for a dear friend who was going to have a baby, and finished the day he was born! Honestly, though, the baby was just an excuse to knit something that excited me.

Oh, and I knitted another pixie bonnet for another little friend, who just had a birthday.

knitted pink pixie bonnet

I got Felix to model it.

pink pixie bonnet

If  you’re into this kind of thing, you can get all the details on these project on Raverly.

…Aaaaand that’s a wrap for this month.

Hope you had a good one!

*As usual, linking up with Leigh Kramer.

*Post contains affiliate links. Thanks for supporting the site!

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What I’m Into: September 2017

apples edited

knitting edited

nature journaling

I cannot complain about our September.

We had summer weather for most of it, which is my favourite.

Lydia and I got really into some schoolish stuff, which was a lot of fun. Nature journaling has turned out to be a big hit. We have learned so much, and enjoyed it immensely! And she can’t get enough of history. We had to take books on Ancient Egypt out of the library so she could dig deeper into pyramids and mummies. Fun!

And I did some knitting! Oh my goodness I love knitting. I’ll share some finished products at the end.

But first of all, some of the usual things I’ve been into!

(Quick note: You can see what I’m up to on a day-to-day basis on Instagram, my most-loved social media platform these days. There you’ll see lots of unschooling stuff, as well as my crafty and kitchen adventures.)

Books

books - september

(Once again, these are all audiobooks.)

The Girl Who Drank the Moon by Kelly Barnhill. This novel won the 2017 Newbery Award, was recommended to me by my discerning sister, and was on sale for a couple of dollars. So I bought it.

It is wonderful. It involves a poetry-reciting swamp monster, a tiny dragon who thinks he’s gigantic, and a kindly old witch who accidentally enmagics an abandoned baby girl by feeding her moonlight. As the girl grows up under the kind witch’s care, her magic becomes increasingly dangerous, and the witch has to make some difficult decisions. It’s a refreshingly original fairy tale with unusual protagonists, full of both whimsy and solemnity. I will happily pass it along to Lydia when she’s a bit older (maybe 10-ish). (Note: I didn’t really care for the narrator. I’d recommend reading the print version.)

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain, read by Nick Offerman. I was assigned this book way back in grade seven, so I was familiar with all the major plot points of the story. But as a kid I never particularly cared for the book . . . as a female Canadian goody-goody, I could not relate to the protagonist at all, and the humour completely went over my head. But reading it as an adult . . . it is laugh-out-loud hilarious! Only now do I understand why Twain is considered a world-class humourist. And I could listen to Ron Swanson read to me all day. (*Also as an adult, the racism infused into the culture now really makes me shudder.) (Currently available on Audible for ONE DOLLAR. Go listen to it.)

Scrappy Little Nobody by Anna Kendrick. I enjoy celebrity memoires if the author is funny and smart. This one fits the bill. Kendrick is likeable and self-deprecating, and a very witty writer. It’s always fun to see behind the scenes of things like awards shows and big-budget movies. Not a life-changer, but an enjoyable five hours. Warning: contains plenty of drugs, sex and swearing.

Children’s Read-Aloud Chapter Books

children's chapter books

The Light Princess by George Macdonald. I fell in love with this delightful little book back in university. It was my pleasure to read it aloud to Lydia. It’s whimsical and profound at the same time.

Most of the symbolism and wordplay probably went over her head, but embedded within this silly fairy tale about a princess who has no gravity (in every sense of the word) is a message about self-sacrifice and the value of the full spectrum of human emotion. I hope to read it over and over again through the years.

Tuesdays at the Castle by Jessica Day George. This one was pretty good. Plucky heroine, magical castle, acts of courage. Lydia liked it. I kind of felt like the author doesn’t really know how kingdoms or bad guys work? Still a decent read.

Children’s Picture Books

wild child

Wild Child by Jeanne Willis. I bought this book on the recommendation of Sara from Happiness in Here. I love it so much. It is spectacular in every way.

First of all, it captures the essence of childhood and embodies the spirit of unschooling. If you believe in the wisdom of wildness, you will love this book. The narrator of the story is “the last wild child,” because all of the other children have been captured by grown-ups and made to wear shoes and go to school: “They took all their wisdom and wildness away. That’s why there are none in the forests today.” But by the end of the story, we discover there is at least one other wild child out there . . .

Second, the illustrations are phenomenally gorgeous. Lydia has made copies of all the beautiful pictures and pored over all the lovely details.

I constantly come across children’s books that assume school is necessary and good. This is the first one that seems to question it, and it feels so refreshing and impish.

Unfortunately, this book doesn’t seem to be available anywhere right now, but keep your eyes open for it, or check your library!

Knitting

knitted pixie bonnet

The knitting bug hit me the second we got some cooler weather. I just HAD TO KNIT. And I knew what I wanted to make: a pixie bonnet for Felix. I found this pattern via Ravelry, which I thought was perfect for my skill level.

I LOOOVE the finished product.

But unfortunately it ended up a little big for Felix. Oh well. Lydia can wear it for now (still super cute!), and he’ll grow into it eventually.

knitted pixie bonnet(It was actually really hot that day — like 30C or 86F — but I paid her in candy to model the bonnet with a jacket on. For realism’s sake.)

Now I need to make more! (You can find me on Ravelry here, if you’re so inclined.)

So that’s what I’ve been into! How about you?

*This post contains affiliate links. Thanks for your support!

*Linking up, as usual, with Leigh Kramer. Join me there?

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What I Learned This Summer

sidewalk chalk

I’m a couple days late, since summer technically ended last Wednesday. But I love Emily Freeman’s idea of sharing things you’ve learned over the last season, so I thought I’d join in.

Here are three things I learned this summer.

1. You really can trust kids to do things when they’re ready.

I’m a firm believer in letting kids do things when they’re ready . . . in theory. That’s part of the reason we’re choosing to unschool. But sometimes that idea is harder to put into practice.

Several months ago, I noticed that Lydia was starting to sprout her first new adult teeth (the bottom front ones) . . . behind her baby teeth. This surprised me, because we’d been checking on those baby teeth for any wiggliness since she turned five. They still weren’t loose at all. But the adult ones were ready to move in, regardless of what the baby teeth were doing.

I wasn’t too alarmed, since mine had done the exact same when I was five. But I’d had my not-loose baby teeth removed by a dentist, and I thought maybe she’d have to have the same thing done with hers.

I was getting ready to make an appointment for her when her baby teeth started to get the teeniest bit wiggly. Hmm. I hesitated. At the same time, I talked to my cousin (who’s a dental assistant), and she told me she sees the exact phenomenon in their office all the time, and it’s no big deal — eventually, when the baby teeth come out, the adult ones move right into place. (I don’t know if this is true of other teeth in the mouth, but the ones at the very front kind of get pushed forward by the tongue). So I waited a little longer.

Eventually, her baby teeth started to get more and more wiggly. But Lydia would not let anyone touch them. I believe in bodily autonomy, even for the youngest children,  so I let it go. I didn’t believe her teeth were in any trouble.

I was personally pretty scarred from the experience of losing my own teeth. My dad would tie strong threads around my loose teeth and yank them out. Sometimes it took several tries. It was terrifying. I still shudder at the thought.

{Question: Why are we so anxious to get kids’ teeth out as soon as absolutely possible?}

I didn’t want to do the same to Lydia. Her teeth belong to her. She gets to decide what happens to them.

Soon the adult teeth were fully in place, with the tiny little baby ones still hanging on but slowly getting looser and getting pushed further forward.

loose teethHere’s a nice image to haunt your dreams. You’re welcome.

It looked pretty gross, honestly. She now had a double row of teeth in the front, and the baby ones were turning greyish and looking dead and dangly. Everyone wanted them out so bad . . . except for Lydia.

We bribed. We reasoned. We asked really nicely. But she didn’t want us to touch them and she wasn’t ready to pull them herself.

This went on for two whole weeks past the time we thought they should really come out. I wanted so badly to reach over and just pluck them out. It would have been so easy! But I restrained myself. It’s her body, I reminded myself. She’ll pull them when she’s ready.

And finally, one day while she was eating a carrot, the first one came out. Thank goodness! And she was so proud of herself!

The next one came out the next day. She easily pulled it out herself.

Now she has two beautiful, straight, white adult teeth, without having the damaging experience of having someone barge in and yank out her teeth against her will. As a bonus, she never had to have any gaps in her mouth.

Sometimes you have to have patience and trust that your kids know what they’re doing.

{Note: I’m still trying to follow my own advice when it comes to Felix reaching his milestones on his own time, with varying levels of success.}

2. You can hone your skills just by watching other people.

passionflower watercolour

Earlier in the year, I decided to learn how to paint with watercolours. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for years.

I watched a ton of YouTube videos. I bought new paints, brushes, and paper. And I practiced. I got pretty good. It was so, so fun and fulfilling.

But I didn’t get to practice nearly as much as I would have liked. I’m just not at a stage in my life where I can often get out a bunch of art materials, spread them across a table, and work to my heart’s content.

But I was passionate about learning. So I kept watching tutorials. Lots and lots of them. I watched while I fed the baby or washed the dishes. While I chopped vegetables or mixed meatballs for dinner, I watched other people play with colours and create masterpieces. I watched them lay down glazes and demonstrate techniques.

And to my surprise, when I did get the chance to pull out my paints, I was better at it than I was before I watched the videos.

Simple watching experts paint for hours on end made me a better painter myself, even when I’d had little chance to practice.

Neat.

3. I can buy underwear online.

underwear

This felt like a revelation.

First of all, you need to know that Canadians don’t enjoy all the same online shopping options you Americans do. We don’t have all the same businesses, and shipping costs here are insane. (I’ve done quite a bit of shipping in the U.S. so I know that the price differences are dramatic). Free shipping is almost unheard-of. So I’ve never even considered doing things like Stitch Fix. Online clothes shopping is mostly unaffordable and unrealistic.

And honestly, I’m not really even interested in buying my clothes online. I don’t mind shopping for clothes, and only need to do it every couple of years.

But underwear. What a pain!

The underwear available at our local Wal-Mart are all garbage quality and mostly hideous granny panties. So: no.

My favourite underwear come from LaSenza, a flashy lingerie store at the mall (an hour away) that makes me feel very uncomfortable, plastered wall-to-wall with ginormous posters of almost-naked women. It’s located right next to the food court, so everyone can watch you examine underpants while they eat their Cinnabons. When panties go on sale, they’re offered in huge bins right in the front doorway, and you have to sift through piles of lacy thongs to get to the comfy cotton hipsters (the only cut/style I buy). I always dread it.

One day I groaned to Ben, I wish I could just buy my underwear online. And then I thought, Well, why the heck not? I searched for the La Senza website, and before I knew it, had six pairs of clearance-priced underwear in my cart for less than $30. Shipping cost $4. They arrived three days later.

Hooray! No pawing through piles of panties in front of families eating fake Chinese food! This is the only way I’m doing it from now on.

And that’s it for now! What cool things did you learn this summer?

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What I’m Into: August 2017

tomato salad

eclipseAugust was good to us.

It was mostly slow and relaxed, with fewer appointments than usual. We stayed home quite a bit, with plenty of play dates for Lydia. We went to the zoo one day and we watched the eclipse (we had about 85% coverage here in southern Ontario).

All in all, a good month. And here are some of the things I enjoyed.

Books

audiobooks

(Once again, I “read” all of these in audiobook form. I do not have time to sit down and read with my eyeballs, but I sure got a lot of books under my belt this month by listening to them while I worked!)

Wonder – R. J. Polacio. I bought this best-selling children’s book on Audible when it was on sale for a few dollars. It’s absolutely beautiful and I highly recommend it. It tells the story of a nine-year-old boy who was born with severe facial deformities, and who is starting school for the first time in his life. We get to hear the story from a number of different perspectives, including Auggie himself, his big sister, his new friends, and even his sister’s friend. As the mother of an atypical boy myself, my heart especially went out to his parents. It’s moving, heart-wrenching, and important.

I Am Malala Malala Yousafzai. I’m trying to read more diverse books, and I love Malala’s example as a brave, compassionate, peacemaking Muslim girl. You probably already know that she’s the girl who was shot in the face by the Taliban, to keep her for speaking out for girls’ education in Pakistan; this book provides the background story of her childhood, and then covers her recovery from the near-fatal injury and how the world responded. The story is beautifully written, with lovely and moving descriptions of her homeland; and Malala’s (and her father’s) incredible courage in the face of danger and persecution is awe-inspiring.

And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie. Okay. Wow. I did not know Agatha Christie was so dark. Judging from her name, I thought she wrote books for old ladies. Holy smokes was I wrong. This was one of the creepiest books I’ve ever read! And did you know it’s the seventh best-selling books of all time?!?! In any language?!?!

Okay, let’s take a step back. The book starts kind of slow as all the characters are introduced. Ten people have been invited to a lonely mansion on an island, but the mysterious host fails to arrive. Soon, we learn that every guest has a dark secret in their past. Then, they start to die, one by one . . . It is terrifying and suspenseful and macabre and unlike anything I’ve read before. The audiobook is narrated by the talented Dan Stevens, whom I gushed about a few months ago. If you like a dark and thrilling murder mystery, this might be a great fall/October read.

Daughter of Smoke and BoneLaini Taylor. I always gotta round out my monthly reading with at least one YA fantasy novel. This one is unique and fascinating in some ways, but conventional and predictable in others. The forbidden love story, for example, totally made me roll my eyes. (I’m not easily impressed by romance, and Akiva is kind of an unconvincing love interest. Enough with the brooding!). But the story of a young artist being raised by devils and being sent to fetch teeth from collectors all over the world intrigued me immensely. The book is chock-full of mystery and magic and danger and creepy characters. It’s the first book in a trilogy, though, and we’ll see if I continue.

I’m Judging You: The Do-Better Manual – Luvvie Ajayi. I’ve been following Luvvie on social media for a while, and I love her for her humour and insight into politics and pop culture. So I finally decided to buy her bestselling book, which she narrates herself in her delightful, energetic voice. The very first sentence starts, “One day, I was minding everyone’s business, scrolling through my Facebook news feed. . .” and I knew I had landed on a winner. It’s both laugh-out-loud funny (especially the chapter on cosmetic surgery), and also poignant and sobering (like when she talks about privilege and race). Good stuff here. But also: language warning.

Prodigy – Marie Lu. I decided to go ahead and try book 2 of the Legend trilogy, and I was surprised to find that I liked it better than the first! (Which I talked about here). Again, the love story left me unimpressed, but when the characters find they have to grapple with some complicated political issues, I was pulled in. Who’s telling the truth? Who’s lying? Will assassinating the young new elector primo bring the revolution the country needs, or will it only allow a greater threat to take power? I’m actually looking forward to reading the next one, though I couldn’t care less whether Day and June end up together. (Although, of course they will. Because YA dystopian fiction.)

Movies

Spider-Man: Homecoming. I know, I know. Why on earth do we need ANOTHER Spiderman movie? The reason is because finally, someone has made a good one! While I’ve felt pretty meh about all previous Spiderman movies (and I love superhero movies), this one had me cheering and laughing and squeezing Lydia’s hand with excitement. (Oh yeah, she saw it and loved it, too). Perhaps the greatest feature of this version is the casting: Tom Holland is the perfect (adorably geeky) Peter Parker. His enthusiastic, nerdy friend friend Ned is the best. They’re actually believable high school kids. It’s funny and heartwarming and moving and fun. Everything about it is great. It got a 92% rating on Rotten Tomatoes!

Lego Batman Movie. (Rented). Someone described this movie as the Batman movie you didn’t know you needed, and I agree with that assessment. It’s funny and irreverent, poking fun at Batman and the whole superhero phenomenon. The premise is hilarious: The Joker is disappointed to learn that Batman doesn’t feel their relationship is exclusive, so he summons all the super-villains (from other franchises) to help him destroy Gotham. It’s completely delightful to see a Lego Voldemort, Sauron, and Agent Smith in this world. It’s just a ton of fun.

And that’s it for now! What have you been into?

*Post contains affiliate links. Thanks for your support!

*I’m linking up with Leigh Kramer. Join us there?

What I’m Into: July 2017

splash pad 1

July was a no-sleep month.

After a month of sleeping through the night pretty consistently, Felix decided, “You know what would be cool? Trying that night/day switcheroo thing again.” So he’d just wake up at 3am and hang out for 3-4 hours every night.

Good times.

We didn’t really do anything or go anywhere special this month, either, except appointments for Felix. We were mostly too exhausted and zoned-out, and our usual babysitters were often on vacation.

We tried seeing a movie at the drive-in theater as a family, but the mosquitoes descended in clouds and we fled after ten minutes, scratching and swatting all the way home.

But hey! Look how much Felix enjoys being in water!

splash pad 2

splash pad 3

lake

He friggin’ LOVES it!

So July wasn’t all bad.

Anyway, here are a few things I enjoyed.

Books

Eye of the World

The Eye of the World by Robert Jordan (audiobook). This is the first book in the The Wheel of Time series. If you love The Lord of the Rings but wish it wasn’t such a sausage party, you might love The Wheel of Time. Eight characters (men and women) must set out on a quest to save the world from an evil force that wants to destroy it. It’s got everything for lover of epic fantasy: there are ageless evil lords who want your soul; long journeys through wilderness on horseback, with terrifying creatures on your heels; beautiful magical ladies; and an honest, humble shepherd with a secret destiny and as the protagonist. It’s over 700 pages long (which translates to more than 30 hours on audiobook), and the first of 14 (even longer) novels, if you want to go all in on a massive, immersive series that will take you years to finish. But the first book concludes nicely enough if you want to just give it a whirl.

born a crime

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah (audiobook). A fantastic read. Those of you who have watched Trevor Noah on The Daily Show already know he’s smart, funny, eloquent, and charming, but it turns out, he’s got a hella fascinating life story, too. He grew up in South African during and immediately after Apartheid. To make things especially interesting, he was born to mixed parents at a time when it was illegal for races to mix (hence the title). He’s a terrific story-teller, and his childhood is filled with wild moments, from his mom throwing him out of a moving car to him accidentally burning down a White family’s house. His reflections of race and racism are illuminating and nuanced. I admire and respect him more than ever. He does a terrific job narrating his book, too — his voices and accents are on point. I dare you not to love him by the end of it.

Kids’ Books

Toys Go Out series

Toys Go Out, Toy Dance Party, and Toys Come Home – Emily Jenkins and Paul O Zelinsky. We’ve read these before, but they were so good they merited a re-read. These three books tell the stories of StingRay, Lumphy, and Plastic, three toys who live in the Little Girl’s room. It has some similarities with Toy Story, but manages to feel completely fresh and unique. It’s hilarious, clever, and imaginative. The toys all have distinct, lovable personalities — you feel like you know them personally within the first few pages. The characters deepen and grow over the course of the books. Five stars. These are the best books I’ve read to Lydia so far, and my number one recommendation for parents looking for read-alouds for their 4-6-year-olds.

No TV or Movies on account of the No-Sleep-or-Babysitters thing.

And that’s what I’ve been into. How about you?

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What I’m Into: June 2017

sourdough bread boule

waterfall vacation

watercolour lily

renaissance festival

June was a pretty fantastic month.

Every winter I start to wonder if I will ever feel happiness again, and then eventually June comes around to right all wrongs. Warm weather, fresh produce, vacations and outings. If only every month could be June.

As you can see from the photos above, in the last month I:

  • finally learned to master sourdough bread;
  • went on my first kid-free vacation with Ben, where we hiked through rugged forests and climbed down cliffs in the rain to see waterfalls;
  • finished my first watercolour commission;
  • attended a Renaissance Festival with my siblings and daughter. It was a blast!

However, the kids’ usual babysitters (aka the grandparents) have been busy, too, so I have not had time to work on this post until now. So it’s going to be quick: just the books I read this month!

Books

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie (audiobook, read by Dan Stevens). I love a good detective story, but this was my first romp with Hercule Poirot (Why?!). It was delightful! It plays with all the conventions of murder mysteries, and still managed to completely surprise me. Also, I have to highlight Dan Stevens’ (<–Yes, him! The Beast!) amazing performance. He does all the accents flawlessly (there are both men and women from numerous countries in this book, and he nails all of them.) The story is thrilling and clever and just so much fun. I will definitely read more. (P.S. Turns out, there is going to be a star-studded movie version starring Kenneth Branah in November. Yes, please!)

Someday, Someday, Maybe by Lauren Graham (audiobook). I listened to Graham’s memoir recently, and I was so impressed by her writing I thought I’d give her novel a try. I really enjoyed it! Graham is a truly talented author. It tells a somewhat autobiographical story of a young woman trying to become an actress in the 90’s. It’s not particularly original or exciting, but it’s funny and engaging, and I found myself rooting for the likeable protagonist.

Ender’s Shadow by Orson Scott Card. Sci-fi at its best! And I actually got to read this one with my eyeballs! (Because I was on vacation without the kids!). I picked it up because I really loved Ender’s Game when I read it a few years ago. This story takes place parallel to that novel, but from Bean’s perspective, delving deep into his origin story. It’s pretty dark, especially in the beginning when Bean starts out as a starving street kid, using his brains to survive. But it’s every bit as gripping, unique, and thought-provoking as the first. I devoured it, and shed tears of happiness at the end.

Legend by Marie Lu (audiobook). I’m a long-time fan of YA dystopian novels. This one was pretty run-of-the-mill, though. Two teens prodigies (who also happen to be remarkably good-looking), raised to be enemies, are thrust together in a time of crisis and discover they must work together against evil powers! They fall in love after about eighteen minutes. It has a total cliffhanger ending, but I was kinda like, “Meh. Maybe I’ll get to it yet.”

* * *

Okay! Unfortunately I think that’s it for now! Felix’s nap is almost over. Hope you’re having a great summer, and I hope to see you again soon.

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What I’m Into: Spring 2017

blossoms edited

climber edited

sensory table edited(The only way we can get him to eat vegetables: dehydrate them and serve them in his sensory table.)

passionflower watercolour(Still obsessed with watercolours.)

Our lives have gotten so much better since the weather started warming up and the days started getting longer. It’s hard to go outside in the winter when one of your kids can’t walk, but since the snow melted we are spending as much time in the back yard as we can.

I wrote a few weeks ago about all the stuff I’ve been making; here’s a recap of some of the stuff I’ve been consuming.

Admittedly, most of it is kids’ stuff, but it has enriched my life nevertheless.

Audiobooks

Talking as Fast as I Can by Lauren Graham. This is a great read for any Gilmore Girls fan. It’s fun to get a behind-the-scenes look at both the original series and the Netflix reboot. Graham is smarter and funnier than you might suspect. Her writing proved so impressive that I might actually give her novel a try.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy; read by Maggie Gyllenhaal. The first word I would use to describe this book is “long.” Holy crap, this book is long. It took 35 hours to listen to. (Most audiobooks I listen to are between 7-12.) But the next word I would use would be . . . probing? Geez, I’m having a hard time putting it into words. I really wished I had a book club to discuss this profound work with. Tolstoy has the ability to dissect human nature and see the soul. I definitely feel it was worth the investment of time, even if it meant sitting through hours of conversations about 19th-century Russian agriculture. And it took quite a while to figure out all those Russian names. But it’s not for no reason that this book has been called one of the best novels of all time. The characters are astonishingly three-dimensional. Levin, Kitty, Anna, and Oblonsky all feel like real people. (Not Vronsky, though. That guy’s just a jackass.) I was moved to be a better and more courageous human being as I witnessed Levin’s spiritual journey and Anna’s tragic spiral. If you’re looking for a classic, give it a try!

A word on the narration: I would rate Gylenhaal’s performance as “meh.” It was fine. Nothing spectacular.

Children’s Read-Aloud Chapter Books

spiderwick

Lydia (age 5) is ALL about the fantasy right now and I LOVE it.

The Spiderwick Chronicles by Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi. We read the first two books in the series and enjoyed them both. The authors are masters of atmosphere. The fabulous illustrations add a lot to the experience. Lydia grew immediately attached to all the characters and we can’t wait to find out what will happen next. They are very short and packed with adventure. They definitely have to be read in order, as each book only feels like a short part of the whole story.

Children’s Picture Booksharry potter book

First, I need to talk about the illustrated Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. I got it for Lydia for Easter (it was literally her only gift). It is absolutely breathtaking. It’s the whole text of the novel, with gorgeous, full-colour illustrations on almost every page. It’s normally very expensive — about $50 in Canada — but I got it on sale on Amazon for $35, I think because the second book was recently released.

Anyway, we’ve been re-reading the book together and the illustrations add a wonderful new dimension to the experience. It has helped ward off further begging to read the third book (Sorry! Five is just too young!). Lydia has pored over these images for hours. I feel it was totally worth the investment.

Anyway, The following books are our library favourites in the last two months. They’re all beautiful, interesting, and moving. I got a lot of these suggestions from The Read-Aloud Revival’s Favourite Books Lists for April and May. Those monthly lists are an awesome guide for finding quality, seasonal picture books.

spring books 1

The Easter Egg by Jan Brett. Jan Brett’s books are always gorgeous, with tons of detail to explore. Hoppi the Bunny (<– that name is the only stupid thing about this book) inadvertently fulfills his dream to become the Easter Bunny’s helper when he makes a big sacrifice for a fallen egg.

The Country Bunny by DuBose Heyward and Marjorie Flack. You guys. What a completely charming book. The BEST nonreligious Easter books I’ve read. A (brown) mother rabbit fulfills her dream of becoming an Easter Bunny, and ends up being the fastest, kindest, bravest Easter Bunny of all. It’s cute and inspiring and full of surprises. Published in 1939! With a surprisingly feminist message! Now I want to train my kids to keep house so I can pursue my dreams like Mother Cottontail.

The Gardener by Sarah Stewart and David Small. A lovely story about a tenacious little girl who improves her community and her uncle’s world by growing flowers in unexpected places.

An Egg is Quiet and A Seed is Sleepy by Dianna Hutts Aston and Sylvia Long. These are the kinds of books that will help kids fall in love with nature. Both of these books are stunning to look at and poetic in their language, slipping in a ton of memorable information about elements of the natural world. Highly recommend.

spring picture books 2

When the Root Children Wake Up by Audrey Wood and Ned Bittinger. Again, gorgeous illustrations and mesmerizing text. The four seasons are brought to life through mythical beings engaging with the natural world. If you’re fond of Waldorf education and philosophy you will adore this book.

Mossy by Jan Brett. Again, this is Brett at her finest. I can’t stop looking at these illustrations! Mossy the Turtle grows a garden on her shell, which draws the attention of a (woman — yay!) scientist who decides to put her in a museum so others can enjoy her beauty. The scientist’s niece helps her find a better solution when she realizes Mossy isn’t happy in her new home. A lovely story to help encourage respect and appreciation for nature and wild animals.

Movies and Television

Our children don’t sleep, so we don’t have time for this nonsense. Sounds fun, though!

And that’s what I’ve been into so far this spring! How about you?

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What I’m Into: March 2017

March continued to involve very little sleep, but at least I watched some quality movies in those midnight hours (when the toddler wasn’t screaming.) (I instagrammed them, by the way. P.S. you should follow me there!)

pride and prejudice bbc

We went on a mini-vacation to Michigan to visit a museum and do some shopping, and most of all, to get some sleep. (Felix stayed with grandparents, God bless them.) It was very refreshing.

museum

snow

It wasn’t exactly the two-week Florida trip we’d originally been planning, but it was something.

Well, here’s what I’ve been into!

Audiobooks

audiobooks

A Man Called OveFrederik Backman. A completely heartwarming story from a Swedish blogger. Ove may be the most endearing grumpy old man you’ve ever met. You will fall in love with every single character. I cried both sad and happy tears. The writing is vibrant and lovely. I already think it might be one of the best books I read in 2017. (And the narrator is great.)

The Night Circus – Erin Morgenstern. A delight for those who love magical stories. Two young magicians are forced into a lifelong duel of magic they don’t fully understand, and the setting for the competition is a mysterious traveling circus. And what happens when the opponents, who must battle to the death, fall in love with one another? The descriptions of the magical circus are breathtaking and riveting. The audiobook is read by the talented Jim Dale, famous for his narration of the Harry Potter series.

KultiMariana Zapata. I listened to the audiobook after Leigh Kramer’s glowing recommendation. I enjoy the occasional romance story! It was kind of fun to try a subject matter I don’t usually go for — it follows the story of a female soccer player, whose childhood idol becomes her coach. Turns out, I’m more old-fashioned than I thought, because the explicit sex scene at the end completely ruined it for me. I swear I grimaced through the whole ten-minute scene. I might have even said, “EWWWWWWWWWWW” out loud, more than once. This from a happily married woman of almost twelve years.

Children’s Picture Books

picture books about art

This month I decided to focus on books about art. (I got most of my ideas from this list.)

Ish – Peter H. Reynolds. Ramon’s older brother makes fun of his drawing, so Ramon gives up drawing . . . until his little sister helps him see the beauty in a drawing of a vase that’s “vase-ish.” A sweet story about the beauty of the artistic process.

The Dot – Peter H. Reynolds. About a little girls who thinks she can’t draw until her teacher encourages her to draw a dot. Her creativity is ignited and we learn that anyone can be an artist.

Art & Max – David Wiesner. This one is a feast for the eyes and a ton of fun. Things go awry when Max has his own take on what it means to “paint his friend.”

Frederick – Leo Lionni. Frederick the mouse teaches us the real value of art.

Children’s Read-Aloud Chapter Books

oz

The Wizard of Oz – Frank L Baum. FORGET EVERYTHING YOU REMEMBER FROM THE CREEPY MOVIE. If you have any negative preconceived ideas about this book based on the film, let me assure you it is nothing like it. (I repeat: Oz is NOT a shudder-inducing hellscape populated by overacting old men in costumes and little people in bad wigs.) Get this edition with the gorgeous cover art to help you get a fresh perspective. I’m so glad I gave this book a try despite my misgivings. It is completely charming. Lydia is loving it. The characters are lovable and the story is exciting. (However, it does contain some bloodless violence. The Tin Woodman is handy with his axe.)

Movies

Beauty and the Beast. I took Lydia to the theaters to see the new live-action remake. LOVED IT. It was visually stunning and everything my grown-up six-year-old heart would have wished.

Pride and Prejudice (1995 BBC version). Can you believe I had NEVER EVER seen this version of P&P? I borrowed it from our library and watched it in segments during Felix’s middle-of-the-night wakings. I thought it might be boring (Five hours of idle upper-class Brits standing around and talking!) but I found it utterly delightful. Heart-eyes for young Colin Firth! You have to seriously suspend your belief to imagine that Jane is the town beauty, though. (P.S. I still like the 2005 Kiera Knighty version the best, SUE ME.)

Pete’s Dragon – saw this with the famjam. It was enjoyable for everyone. Heartwarming, good music, impressive visuals.

What have you been into?

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What I’m Into: February 2017

crying CollageMy life right now

Remember when Felix used to wake up to play for two hours every night?

Yeah. We now refer to those as “the good old day.” His wake-up time can now be anytime between 11:30pm and 5am. The duration is typically three to four hours. He plays, drinks anywhere from one-half to three bottles, and throws a couple of tantrums. Every night.

I’M NOT COMPLAINING, YOU’RE COMPLAINING.

All right, so I’m also just a little grumpy because we were supposed to go to Florida for two weeks and then that fell through. So we planned a mini-vacation to Detroit and then that also fell through. We’ve hardly left our home to go anywhere but the hospital in the last three years but THAT’S OKAY, EVERYTHING IS FINE, I’M NOT COMPLAINING, I’M A SELF-ACTUALIZED HUMAN ADULT AND I MEDITATE AND I HAVE A FRIEND IN JESUS.

And if I reflect back, there were plenty of good things that happened on February. Like the following:

syrupTapping the maple tree to collect sap…

syrup boilingBoiling it down into syrup…

muddy walkA few days warm enough (IN FEBRUARY!) to walk barefoot . . .

forest schoolGoing to the forest school drop-in . . .

libraryAnd our local library finally opening after an eight-month strike!!!

Anyway, none of this is what you came here for! You would like my book and movie recommendations for the month! Right? So here’s what I’ve been into!

Books

Movement Matters – Katy Bowman. You guys probably know by now I’m a huge fan of Katy Bowman. I’m a devoted podcast listener and I’ve gushed about her other books. Movement Matters is paradigm-shifting collection of essays exploring the consequences of our sedentary culture. She puts forward the daring idea that we could improve our health, the environment, and our communities if we would just move more. It will probably take me years to make any kind of progress in this area because it’s just so counter-cultural, but I definitely want to move in that direction.

Audiobooks

I’m just gonna say once again that I THANK GOD for audiobooks and Overdrive. I’m going on year five of no sleep (on account of children who don’t know what nighttime is for), and these technologies have allowed me consume WAAAY more books than I’d ever be able to read with my eyeballs in this season of life. I listen while I cook dinner, scrub the bathtub, and sweep the floors. It’s amazing.

(These books would all be equally great in text form; I just happened to receive them as audiobooks.)

Bossypants – Tina Fey. This lady makes me laugh out loud. She is brilliant and delightfully self-deprecating. I always enjoy hearing the story of how folks like her get where they are. And hearing about how she became Sarah Palin’s double was a treat.

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things – Jenny Lawson. Another woman who can make me laugh until I cry. This is The Bloggess’ second memoir. Her discussion of mental illness is both needed and weirdly hysterical. She is a strange, strange, wonderful human being. (Major language warning. I’ve never hard anyone use the word vagina as much as Lawson does.)

Jane Steele – Lyndsay Faye. A complete delight. If you’re a fan of Jane Eyre, I think you’ll get a kick out of this novel. It follows a young Victorian orphan girl who, like Jane Eyre, goes to an awful boarding school and later becomes a governess. She’s clever and brave and self-aware. And also? A murderer. With a heart of gold, of course. (She only kills horrible men.) From the start she’s aware of her similarities with the famous fictional heroine. I promise, it’s better than it sounds. It reads like an authentically 19th-century novel and all of the characters are stunningly three-dimensional.

Eleanor and Park – Rainbow Rowell. I listened to this one just to see what the fuss was about. It was cute, and it’s clear that Rowell has a vivid memory of what it feels to be like a teenager. She conveyed all those feelings of first love fabulously. I enjoy a good romance every so often but I only thought this one was okay. (Don’t hate me, Rowell fans.) (Again, lots of salty language.)

Modern Romance – Aziz Ansari. I checked this one out mostly because I’m a Parks and Recreation fan (He’s the actor who played Tom Haverford). This book completely surprised me: it’s more of a sociological study on romance in today’s technological world than a humour book. He wrote it with an actual sociologist, and they conducted actual research projects, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups all over the world. It was insightful and informative and surprisingly hilarious. I think hearing Ansari read it himself was a huge bonus. He’s got a unique way of expressing things and made comical asides to us lazy audiobook listeners. (Warning: very explicit language.)

Television

DRAGONS: RACE TO THE EDGE HAS A NEW SEASON ON NETFLIX!!! Okay, ostensibly this is Lydia’s show. She is obsessed with it. But I finally gave up all pretenses of just “overhearing” the episodes she was watching and started to sit down to watch with her. SO SO GOOD. I laugh out loud multiple times during every episode. I find the twins genuinely funny and I have a soft spot for villain-turned-good-guy Dagur. Hiccup and Astrid (“Hicstrid”) are ADORABLE. I love that the main character has a disability. I love that all the nonverbal dragons have distinct personalities. And I still haven’t gotten tired of the whole Vikings-riding-dragons conceit. It’s the best. Warning: this is definitely a show written for older kids. There is a surprising amount of violence (of the face-punching kind) if that kind of thing bothers you. (I don’t mind, despite the fact that I’m a pacifist.) Lydia’s four-year-old cousin found it so scary she cried. And this season finally introduces a romantic subplot that I LOVED but Lydia HATED. (She covers her eyes and yells every time they kiss.)

Movies

Arrival. Oh my goodness. If you enjoy a good ugly cry, this movie is for you. (I personally DO NOT. I started bawling five minutes in. I cannot handle stories that center around the loss of a child.) I can’t deny that it was stunning and surprising and original. Brilliant sci-fi storytelling at its best. But oh, my poor heart.

That’s it for now! What have you been into?

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