Dear Felix: You Have No Idea How Many People Love You

Dear Felix

And most of them have never even met you.

Literally hundreds of people around the world are praying for your well-being. Crying out to God on your behalf. I get messages every day from people saying they’re praying for you — other moms of SCID babies; people who have been reading my blog for years; distant relatives I’ve never met; people I went to high school with; etc. They tell me that you’re beautiful and they want you to live.

A friend of mine whom I only know online enrolled you in a prayer membership with an order of nuns in Missouri. The Holy Spirit Adoration Sisters offer monthly masses to you, so that you may share in the benefits of all their prayers, sacrifices, and good works. (Neither she nor I are Catholic.) This friend checks in on you almost every day via email because she cares so much.

The hospital staff here? They love you. The nurses adore you and take good care of you. (Especially Tammy. She signed up to be your primary nurse because she wanted to care for you. She cuddles with you like you belong to her.) Dr. Salvadori cries when your test results come back negative and dances when they come back positive. She fights for you every day. Dr. Barton-Forbes prayed over with tears streaming down her face when you had those seizures, and was overjoyed when returned to your old self. The cleaning lady gets excited when she gets to see you awake because you’re so friggin’ cute. Kerry, the occupational therapist, lovingly plays with you and brings you toys to help your development. She says it’s a lot of work for you, growing and getting better all while “looking this handsome every day.” Lisa, the nurse practitioner, enjoys flirting with you and making you smile. She says making you smile for the first time was a highlight in her career.

Oh, and I almost forgot that a bunch of our friends and relatives organized a huge fundraiser for you within days of hearing your diagnosis. Thousands of dollars poured in within weeks. They organized a dinner and silent auction. Dozens of people donated items. They provided music, art, time and energy to raise money for you, so that we could stay near you. The whole town soon knew your name.

You, Felix. All for littleĀ  you. When there was only about eleven pounds of you.

Then there’s family, of course. Yours grandmothers fawn over you and miss you. Your aunts and uncles try to sneak in to see you even though they’re not allowed. They also cry when you’re not doing well and dance when you are.

And Lydia. She adored you from the moment she met you. It was hard to keep her off you, she wanted to smother you with hugs and kisses. She didn’t get to see you very long before you had to go to the hospital. Even when she hadn’t been able to see you in weeks — and she’s only three years old — she cried and said, “I miss Felix! I want to pet him because I like him!” And when we took her to the museum, she said, “We forgot something! We forgot Felix!” She had hardly even seen you and she considered you a crucial part of our family.

Your Daddy loves you so much. He cares for you so tenderly. He never complains. He doesn’t care how you turn out, he just wants to love you.

And, well, there’s me. I loved you and wanted you before you were even conceived. I worry about you night and day because that’s what moms do. It’s agony for me, not being able to kiss your face. I can’t wait for the day I can cuddle you again, skin-to-skin, and kiss you and smell you. You’re my baby, and I will love you to eternity.

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  1. We do love Felix. And we love you, too. We’re always praying for your whole family, and we rejoice with you whenever there is good news. <3
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  2. That’s so beautiful Kathleen. We’ve been keeping Felix, you and your family in our prayers.

  3. Coriander says:

    How blessed that darling little boy is! The museum trip, oh my! How wonderful to be so little and so loved! That’s how it should be for all the babies. I thank God when you are blessed by Him and His people.

  4. Continuous prayers for Felix and the rest of you. He really is a sweet little thing. What a lovely post. Thinking of you.

  5. Candace says:

    So sweet and true

  6. Liz Collar says:

    I don’t know you, but I feel your momma’s heart through your writing. I am a fellow Jesus lover. I hope tonight you feel that He too loves you like you love your sweet babies. Thank you for sharing and I hope you can nuzzle and cuddle up on His chest tonight, for your Father cares for you! Peace and rest to you.

  7. Oh, the tears! You made me cry. I continue to pray for you, your darling little boy, and your beautiful family.

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