Just for fun. These are actual sentences that my brain had to compose and my mouth had to aim at another human being. Note: if you are uncomfortable with the subject of boobs and breastfeeding, you might want to skip this one.
Oh, and if you’re uncomfortable with the subject of boobs and breastfeeding? You might want to get over that, because that’s how human beings eat for the first months/years of their lives.
Uh-oh, honey: did you just eat the Poopsmith’s hair?
[Clutching bosom, with a manic expression on my face] No — no more milk! You’ve been drinking milk all night and all morning already! You’re sixteen months old already. GOSH!! Don’t you want any brothers and sisters?!
Please get out of the pan, honey.
Please don’t lick Mommy’s face.
I said, Mommy doesn’t want her face licked.
Please don’t lick Mommy’s glasses, either.
Be careful with Mommy’s boobs.
You can’t step on Mommy’s boobs!
No, I don’t need you to wipe Mommy’s bum. Thank-you. No, really. Thank-you.
[Holding hand over left breast]: Nope. this one’s out of service. Use the other one.
Please stop gagging yourself.
I said no gagging.
Stop! No gagging! You’re making yourself puke!
Why do you keep gagging yourself? Why do I even need to make this a rule?
Sorry, honey. I only have two [boobs]; you’re not going to find a third one there.
I can’t twirl you right now. Mommy has to go pee-pee.
What kinds of things have you been amazed to hear come out of your mouth, whether as a parent or for some other reason?