I don’t want to talk about this month. It was a stupid month.
Okay, it was actually a pretty nice month if I think about it with a clear head. Lots of time in nature and stuff. But my head isn’t clear because I haven’t gotten any decent sleep all month. I am just. So. Tired. Every. Single. Day. Lydia hasn’t slept this badly since she was a newborn and I have no idea why. I am at my wit’s end. But like I said: I don’t want to talk about it.
I’m battling a lot of shame lately around the fact that I’m having so much trouble managing things with just one kid. Other moms are three times as productive and read ten times as many books while caring for three times as many kids. What the crap.
Anyway, it’s due to sleep deprivation that I haven’t done much blogging, even though I’ve been dying to. My brain has just been too foggy. I didn’t even get a chance to share my experience celebrating the fall equinox. So here’s a quick glimpse:
A light dinner of homegrown seasonal food — cream of zucchini soup with red pepper saute — and a glass my parent’s 22-year old homemade apple wine. Eaten around my centerpiece/wreath filled with gourds and a soy candle. So autumnal!*
Books This Month
No time to read. Too tired.
Children’s Books
I hate all the children’s books.
Music
What’s that
Movies
We tried to watch Now You See Me. I don’t think it was very good, but it was hard to judge because Lydia woke up halfway through it and screamed through the latter half.
Same story with Star Trek: Into Darkness, except I’m pretty sure that one was good. It was good to see Benedict Cumberbatch again, even if it wasn’t as Sherlock, which is what my heart truly desires. (Which, by the way: does anyone know WHEN THE HECK I will be able to see season 3?!?! The Internet has not been helpful at all on that matter.)
Ben and I determined that we won’t bother trying to watch movies any more until Lydia has moved out.
Television
We watched the season premiere of Parks and Rec, which was delightful. I love how every time a male character discovers/believes his sexual partner is pregnant, he immediately responds by committing to take care of her and the child. Very gallant and admirable. Even if I don’t condone the premarital sex that got them in that situation in the first place.
The first two episodes of Big Bang Theory were thoroughly enjoyable as well.
I promise to stop complaining now.
*If you want to keep up with my antics, be sure to follow me on Instagram!*
Linking up with Leigh Kramer!
Sleep regression is normal (and maybe molars?) Henry’s had so many ups and downs and still pretty much only sleeps thru the night in our bed! I totally hear you with the kid stuff – I have my days of “I could never function with more and I’m barely getting by now!” and honestly the only reason I get any reading done is because I have 45 minutes on a bus 3-4 days a week… ONLY… REASON.
I finally tried to watch Star Trek last night and then Henry woke up and it was still on pause this morning and my husband is going crazy because we’ve got a half finish season of Dr. Who on the shelf!
At least you can have a drink right now. ;)
Molly recently posted..A Simple Feast and a Very Special Ker-prize.
Thanks for commiserating, Molly! :)
One possibility – I know you’re not much for sugar and sweets anyway, but you can try giving her a little more fat/protein and cutting back even more on the sugar (and grains after 4pm if possible). If her blood sugar is in any way elevated, that will keep her awake. Good luck to you (and hope she starts sleeping through the night again soon!)
Thanks, Sarah. I think I’ll try that. She’s a real meat-lover, and not a real fan of breads, so maybe that’s a sign that she could use more protein in her diet.
I found your Montessori activities inspiring and delightful. I’m sure your daughter is fast-gaining some incredible abilities that will help her so much in every area– eating, drinking, helping Mama, etc. I was verrrrrrry impressed. Keep it up mama!!
tacy recently posted..What I’m Into ~ September 2013
Thanks so much, Tacy. I appreciate your kind words.
Big Bang Theory and Parks and Rec are HUGE favorites in my house. My hubby and I love them!
I’ve just started Sherlock on Netflix and I’m so hooked!
Amanda recently posted..What I’m Into :: September 2013
I’ve been there. Sleep deprivation will ruin everything. My oldest was/is up with nightmares. It got so bad when she was a toddler that she was waking up every 45-90 min even snuggled up in my arms. (Did you know an adult sleep cycle is 3 hours? If you’re not getting at least one you will be exhausted). I finally decided we needed help when I yelled at her for standing on the wrong side of me in the grocery store, I didn’t even know there was a correct side. We saw a naturopath and things are better now. Never be afraid to ask for help.
How did the naturopath help you and your child, Mouse?
Ahh — the 3-hour sleep cycle thing explains a lot. Thanks, Mouse. It’s encouraging to hear from others who have been through it, too.
I am the biggest sleep-lover so the potential lack of sleep if we have children is possibly my biggest worry! I have informed Rasmus he has to be prepared for me to be grouchy for the first three years at least…
But seriously, I haven’t been there, and I’m certain it sucks so much, but I’m also certain it’s normal to be struggling on less sleep. Throw out the shoulds, they never help. This month you managed to throw a beautiful equinox celebration (with home made decorations!!) and you wrote a helpful series on screen-less child raising. On little to no sleep. You are officially amazing. Don’t believe any less.
HUGS.
fiona lynne recently posted..right now – september
Oh, Fiona. Thanks so much. Your words are SO encouraging.
I’m so with you on (lack of) sleep and the shame of struggling with “only” one kid. I dunno though. I’ve been able to convince my bewildered self that (a) EVERYONE says the first is really hard, so it must be true (b) every mom is different, every kid is different, every family’s needs are different… What one person struggles with might not even faze the next person and vice versa. Though sleep deprivation is another story because it is a legitimate form of torture and would cause anyone to lose their crap. So, what I’m saying is: I feel you and please don’t play the comparison game too often. I know far too well where that leads and for me it involved tearful hysterics and consuming an entire batch of cookies. And still no sleep.
Sarah Marie recently posted..{what we’re reading around here}
“…it involved tearful hysterics and consuming an entire batch of cookies.” I laughed out loud at this! Thanks, Sarah Marie. Your advice is sage.
I just discovered your blog and LOVE it! My husband and I don’t have children yet – we’re in the ‘thinking about it’ stage :P I’m thinking of you during this rough patch of no sleep and grumpy babe! It will pass – even though it may feel like you’ll be a zombie for the rest of your days.
I agree with FionaLynne’s comment – get rid of the shoulds and just live for every moment (or try to – that sounds easier than it likely is)
ME. TOO.
Maybe multiple children entertain each other? Maybe other mothers drug their children to sleep or themselves to wakefulness or both? MAYBE EVERYONE IS JUST BETTER AT LIFE THAN I AM?
Blah.
Heh — I ask myself a version of that question all the time. :)
If it makes you feel any better I’ve been feeling inadequate lately too and I have no children at all. I mean I should be whizzing through chores, books and meals like a champ, but I’ve been having trouble getting myself motivated to do anything at all. I guess we all have our rough patches when we are just too weary to do anything but maintain. This too shall pass!
Joslyn recently posted..My Brand New House and Our Road to Intentional Living
I just recently had my second child (7 weeks ago) and I am a different person. I’m just more capable than I was before. I don’t really know how, but I’ve just been doing well. Of course, my children are very easy (2 year old is sleep 12 hours at night a 2-3 during the day, newbie sleeps a ton and never cries), but what I’m trying to say is, when you have two, you learn what is a real priority to you and what you can just let go of. So maybe that will be the case for you as well?
Well, I don’t know if it will help any but I am at least one mama of three who does NOT feel like I’m very productive and getting nearly what I’d like to done. I’m slowly getting there but Im also getting more sleep now than I have in five years. I don’t think it matters much if you have one or three or ten(my mom!), sleep deprivation makes the days just that much harder.
Enjoyed hearing about your autumn equinox, so warm and full of light!
I often feel the same way between sleep deprivation and lack of productivity. We know several moms with multiple children who seem to have it all together and a clean house to boot. When I start feeling like a failure, my husband reminds me that most of the ones we know in real life are punative (autocorrect tried to change that to lunatic) and used CIO on their children, some when they were still babies. AP might not seem as productive as far as getting stuff done, but I suspect it is far more ” productive ” in building relationships with our children.
When that doesn’t work, I remember an article about gifted tots that states:
In one study on children ages 2½ to 12½ with IQs at the top of the chart, parents reported the following personality characteristics:
90 percent were described as “sensitive”
83 percent liked to concentrate on one activity at a time
79 percent had high energy or activity levels
50 percent needed less sleep than other children
44 percent were sensitive to clothing tags and other tactile sensations
—————————
In spite of all this, I HAVE been working on helping our daughter to nightwean and sleep in her own bed by herself because if she bumps is in her sleep, she is immediately wide awake. I hope to blog about that process once I’ve finished the current series.
Michele recently posted..Motherhood with a Toddler – Diapering/Elimination Communication Part 2
“50 percent needed less sleep than other children.” OH MY GOSH, THANK YOU FOR THAT STATISTIC. I’m actually JUST in the process of writing a post about not relying on clocks and charts to determine how much sleep my child needs, because she just DOES NOT sleep as much as other kids do. Do you remember where you found that??
Also: thanks for your perspective about AP not being as “productive” in some respects, but perhaps more “productive” in others (namely, relationships). I tend to feel the same way. I have to remind myself that I’m living the life I always wanted and my family is terribly happy and healthy, even if I don’t get a million things done in a day. It’s so nice to hear from like-minded people.
Sure I saw that statistic on a website with an article about gifted toddlers. The direct link is: http://www.netplaces.com/toddler/super-toddlers/gifted-tots.htm
Michele recently posted..Motherhood with a Toddler – Diapering/Elimination Communication Part 2
That’s supposed to say if she bumps into us in her sleep. Not if she bumps is…
Michele recently posted..Motherhood with a Toddler – Diapering/Elimination Communication Part 2
Oh my gosh, Kathleen: bless you. As someone who has struggled with insomnia since junior high, I can’t even envision how I could get through the day while also taking care of my child. Give yourself lots of grace. And if it’s any consolation, I adored your take on the linkup this month. Hope you get some rest soon!
Leigh Kramer recently posted..Youth Group Friends and What Was
Heh — thanks, Leigh. You’re too kind.