Maybe Someday.

Hi friends.

No, I haven’t finished my series on the crunchy community, and honestly, I don’t know if/when it will ever get done.

I’m just writing in to say that I haven’t forgotten about the blog, but I don’t know if/when I will ever continue.

Life has been hard these last four years, and has just gotten harder in the last few months.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the last few years it’s that when things are hard, buckle up, because they’re only going to get harder.

Maybe someday things will get easier. Maybe someday I’ll be able to follow my dreams and create art and beauty and new life.

But today I just have to get through the day. And that’s probably how it’s going to go for years to come.

(To be clear, nothing dramatic has happened or changed in my life. Just all of the same — no sleep, no answers — but a little bit worse.)

If you want to know what I’m up to, I’m sometimes active on Instagram.

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  1. Imortelle says

    Dear Kathleen,
    Have you watched The Magic Pill? Have you considerd cutting all the wheat you and your children eat daily?
    For a week or two? To see if the sleeping improves, and your adult achne perhaps. I know that I’m hurting you right now, but honestly its annoying how you are not willing to experiment with my proposal for nutrition. :)
    Low carb diet has became a standard for children with epilepsy in Europe. Just watch the documentary, it takes an hour and a half of your time.

    • I appreciate your concern, but I’m afraid I’ve already been there, done that.

      First of all, I’ve already read three books on the subject, so I don’t need to watch another documentary.

      Second, in 2017 I did a Whole30 (cut out ALL grains, legumes, dairy and sugar for a month) and it made no difference whatsoever. I had excitedly taken “before” pictures of my skin to see how it would compare to “after,” and to my dismay, at the end of the month there was no difference. ZIP. No change in energy, mood, sleep, or skin. I’m sure cutting out those foods helps many people, but it did nothing for me. So I went back to eating those things and it still made no difference.

      And lastly, we delayed introducing grains, and especially wheat, in our son’s (the one who doesn’t sleep) diet, until he was past two, and their introduction made no difference. In fact we tried the GAPS diet for a month in his second year and he ended up so malnourished that his doctor ordered us to stop. (It’s not the fault of the diet, but the fact that he was rejecting most of the food. He has sensory and intellectual disabilities that prevent him from eating normally.) He still doesn’t eat wheat other than maybe a single cracker a month at Grandma’s, so that’s clearly not the culprit.

      • Imortelle says

        Thank you for your answer.
        I am so sorry that nothing worked. and I apologise for my introoding.
        I didn’t sleep for two and a half years beacuse my healthy child would play from 1.00 am to 7.00 am or needed me to coddle her for hours.. We were lucky to get 2x 2 hours sleep at night..
        How much do you sleep per night? I have read that you need one hour of sleep not to go insane on sleep deprevation.
        I sincirely hope that your sleeping situation will improve. That one day very soon you experience the feeling of your child sleeping 10 hours withoout waking and it would be regular scenario and not to dread what the night brings.

        Keep writing

  2. I’m so sorry. Sleep deprivation and the health and mental health issues that follow are so intense, discouraging and miserable. I’ll keep you in my prayers. I wish I lived closer and could offer to babysit or clean or whatever would help you. Good luck!!!

  3. Sending so much love your way. I remember how awful I felt after the birth of my second child, when I was dealing with a toddler and newborn, little sleep thanks to said newborn, and postpartum depression. That was so hard. I imagine that what I experienced is the teensiest percentage of what you’ve endured the past four years. You inspire me every time you post, even when it’s just venting about how Felix kept you up since 2 am AGAIN. I hope that one day you do get to reconnect with your passions. I hope that one day, you all regularly get full nights of sleep. I hope those days come quickly. Love always.

  4. Heather says

    It’s clear how much you are struggling right now, and even though I don’t know you personally, I am so saddened to hear the about your suffering. I hope you don’t resent this, but I feel compelled to share this Bible verse with you. “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord , ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'” (Psalm 91:1‭-‬2). I hope you find relief soon, and I’m praying for great joy in your life both in this challenging season and beyond.

  5. Lisa Strader says

    Hello Kathleen,
    I’m so sorry that things continue to be hard, and that you have to focus on just getting through one day at a time. I hope and pray that you will have strength to keep going and that you will find relief soon.
    Thank you so much for your raw honesty on this journey, and for this corner of this Internet you’ve created. You’ve opened my eyes to so many new ideas and changed my mind to make me a more open person.
    I will continue following you on Instagram, and I pray for peace for you.
    Thanks so much for the gift of all your posts.

  6. Rebecca says

    You are so important to me, and, if you never write another word, I’ll forever be grateful for all the words you have so generously shared with us and for those words helping to bring a treasured friendship into my life. Of all of my heart’s deeply held wishes, peace and happiness for you and your family are held especially close. Here’s a big *hug*, my friend.

  7. Wishing you all the best. I hope things will change and you’ll get your sleep back soon.

  8. I’ve followed you for years now and found you to be so inspiring. We come from really different backgrounds, but I admire how hard you work and how you clearly put your children above everything. I sincerely hope things get better for you. Writing will always be there once things settle more. Best of luck!

  9. Hi Kathleen! Like others here, Ive been following your story for years. Im so impressed of how passionate you are on being so hand-on with your family. I cried with you on those times when Felix was having all these medical conditions and my heart rejoiced when God has healed your son. I also have a son who suffers asthma attacks every month and has been to so many pediatricians and has taken in so many medications through the years. Financially, with all his treatments were just getting by. Its so discouraging and frustrating seeing my son just always sick but by Gods grace, were still here just pressing on and just like you we only get through the day. Youre one of those moms I look up to. May God be with you. Leah from Philippines

    • Thank you so much, Leah. I’m sorry to hear about your son’s medical issues and the financial hardship that has come with it. It’s so hard to watch your child suffer and feel helpless! Thanks so much for your kind words. <3

  10. Paula W. Riley says

    Pray Psalm 91, sing this song of protection, dance in faith and confident to the promises of God.

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